Moving Past The Limit Of Obligation

Have you ever noticed that it is difficult for you to receive. I do not mean the occasional gifts or favors that people might do for you now and then or the happiness of your dog or cat or other pet who may enjoy giving you comfort and just being friendly. Rather I am talking about when somebody offers you something that you actually need and would enjoy but it's difficult for you to take it or you feel perhaps - in your body a tightness or discomfort.

In your mind rationally you can say, "Why not, I know this person, I trust this person, they are my friend and yet they want to give me something that I want and need. Why can I not take it comfortably, gracefully and graciously?"

I'd like to suggest that for many of us because of our lives and how we've lived them as well as our experience there is a feeling deep down within us that came about as a result of some unpleasant experience years ago that in order to accept things from people that there is a risk. That there is some invisible string attached to it that if we accept this thing from these people that in order to feel good about accepting it that we will have to give them back more than they have given us in order for that feeling to go away and for us to be comforted and most importantly so that we do not carry around a feeling of obligation to that person.

This is a difficult challenge but when one is conscious of it, it makes it easier. I'd like to give you a small bit of advice and perhaps even a little homework to help you over that hurdle.

Have you ever noticed when you do something for somebody what pleasure it is especially if it is somebody you know or care about or even someone that you - for a moment feel needs a little something - perhaps a leg up. You do that and you go on with your life with a good feeling. Would you deny that good feeling to someone else?

Here's a little homework if you want a little help along these lines. I don't guarantee it will be easy. It might in fact be challenging but it's worth a try. Pick out a friend or even several friends and tell them what you're going to do, ask for their co-operation and for one solid week whatever these people want to do for you as long as it is something that you want or need accept it with a simple, "Thank you" and a gracious attitude.

Do not do anything for them at all. This does not mean of course that you don't help them where help is needed but it does mean that you don't then rush out to buy them some valuable gift or you don't pursue the feelings that you will have within yourself to do something for them, so you can let go of your feeling of obligation.

Perhaps one of them will take you out to lunch or dinner and you will feel that old feeling coming on that you need to do something in return. Let them pick up the check and just say, "Thank you." Thats it. I know it won't be easy.

At the end of the week talk things over with them, thank them for their co-operation in your lesson and if you still feel uncomfortable with it then wait a week and try it again with those same people for two weeks. You can see the progression here, after a while this will gradually go away - this feeling of obligation.

In my experience I have found that retraining ourselves physically is much easier than trying to talk ourselves out of these real feelings. Give it a try and if it works - hooray - and if it doesn't, well you will have shown yourself and your psyche that you are prepared to move beyond this old limit and that alone will lead you to the pathway that will help you to move beyond this old anchor to some distant pain in the past.

Goodlife to you all and goodnight.